Pun

[Uncle Russ]

A couple new ones for my buddy Hank;

-Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last long.

-Velcro.....what a rip off!

-The Health Clinic had me down as Type A Blood, but that was a typo.

-I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

-Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

-I know a guy who's addicted to brake-fluid, but he insists he can stop anytime.

-I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

-This very attractive lady from the Vegetarian Club said she recognized me, but I never met herbivore.

-England has no Kidney Bank, but it does have a Liverpool.



Uncle Russ...

[Hank in WV]

:rotf

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
> Blownapart.

[Uncle Russ]

 And you talked about me.  :rotf  :rotf  

Uncle Russ...

[Hank in WV]

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
> medium at large.

[RonC]

I've been trying to resist, gentlemen, but it is futile.

She chews tobacco but she won't choose me.

There ain't been no trash in my trailer since the night I threw you out.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
 
Am I ambivalent?  Well, yes and no.

Toilet stolen from police station.  Cops have nothing to go on.

Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either.
 
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Ron

[Hank in WV]

:rotf

[RonC]

Yes, I know. :lol

Ron

[Uncle Russ]

Don't listen to that old man Ron,  he don't know nothing about Puns... :rotf  :rotf

Uncle Russ...

[Fletcher]

Getting old does this to ya - and insanity is hereditary....

You get it from your kids  

[Hank in WV]

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
 during a root canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

[Uncle Russ]

Facts Of Life: I was born with nothing, and now, after all these years, I still have most of it!  

Uncle Russ...

[Hank in WV]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
 lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
 you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[Uncle Russ]

... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

... When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

... Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.


Uncle Russ...

[RonC]

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Denver area Chatfield Reservoir Spillway ...
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
 
The wife was counting all the dimes and quarters out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

Years ago, I was speaking with a fellow who served in the Army in WW I. The man survived mustard gas and pepper spray and became a seasoned veteran.

[Uncle Russ]

All good ones!
Thanks RonC, for these words of wit!

Uncle Russ...