Challenge accepted, No Powder!!
I contacted my sister (The Professor) and she forwarded the question to the Physics and Chemical Science guys.
I received 4 answering Emails and spent an hour translating them from science to English. Translation below::
1) Why didn't the butane lighter set off the powder? Answer: The hottest part of a butane flame is about 3/4s of the way up the flame, the 3 grain pile was likely not tall enough to reach that point. However, they said, if left in the powder long enough it would ignite.
2) Why did the match and the cap ignite the powder immediately? Answer: The burning phosphorus of the match and the reaction of the cap are a higher immediate temperature than the butane flame, also they are applied directly to the powder.
While I don't guarantee the science geeks are right, it sounds pretty logical