Things my Mama taught me.....

[Uncle Russ]

Here are a few things my Mama taught me.
If you grew up in the country during the early 40's, your Mama may have said the very same things, so this may even bring back some old memories.
(It has been around for a while, but it is still funny.)


1 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE.
 "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside... I just finished straightening and cleaning.”
 
2 My mother taught me RELIGION.
 "You better pray that will come out of your shirt.”
 
3 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
 "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
 
4 My mother taught me LOGIC.
 "Because I said so, that's why.”
 
5 My mother taught me AN EVEN DEEPER LOGIC .
 "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”
 
6 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
 "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.”
 
7 My mother taught me IRONY.
 "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.”
 
8 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
 "Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
 
9 My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM.
 "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
 
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
 "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
 
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
 "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
 
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
 "If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!”
 
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
 "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
 
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
 "Stop acting like your father!”
 
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
 "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.”
 
16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
 "Just wait until we get home.”
 
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
 "You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”
 
18. My mother taught me all about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
 "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way for ever.”
 
19. My mother taught me all about ESP.
 "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?”
 
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
 "When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, or your toes, don't come running to me.”
 
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
 "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.”
 
22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
 "You're just like your father.”
 
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
 "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
 
24. My mother taught me WISDOM
 "When you get to be my age, you'll understand.”
 
25. But it was my father that taught me all about JUSTICE .
 "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Stolen from a friends email.

Uncle Russ....

[rollingb]

  Yep,.... me and my brother grew up hearin' each one of those. 

[greyhunter]

  rofl!

[Maven]

 

[Roaddog]

Yep they sound very familiar to me as well.I'm sure glad i was paying attention to her.WEEEL most of the time anyway. 

[Hawken]

All!

Plus a good many more!